Thursday, August 17, 2006
Beauty and The Beast
I once worked in an office with a beautiful Ukrainian girl who I'll call Mimi. One day, I arrived at work to see my boss and most of the staff all standing on chairs near the front of the office with my bosses assistant frantically dialing a pest control company while squatting fully ATOP her desk. I asked what was wrong and they gestured toward the backroom (door now closed), telling me that there was a giant rat back there. So, being a manly man, (and wanting to look tough for the ladies)I gave a jaunty smile and bravely swaggered back to the closed door.Swingiing it open , hands on hips,I surveyed the room and what I saw was a huge, hideous, monstrous rat. Larger than the largest cat I'd ever seen and he was obviously ill, and angry!The bastard was lying on his side at first, then lifting his massive head, he turned his nasty, beady little evil rat eyes toward me and BARED HIS TEETH!. This was the point when I slammed the door and quickly joined my colleagues, now standing firmly atop my own desk.
Enter Mimi, sweet, petite, beautiful Mimi, who, after the situation was explained insisted on seeing the beast herself. I bravely offered to share half my desk upon her return and watched her disappear into the back room. Seconds later I heard her sweet, accented voice, now in soothing little girl tones, "Awww, poor baby, you don't feel well, do you?" Through the crack in the door we were all repelled by the sight of Mimi hand FEEDING this horrible monster ham from her Egg McMuffin!! Fortunately, at this point the pest control guy walked in, smirked at us all standing on our desks and asked where the "varmint" was. We all pointed to the door and he, just as I had moments before, swaggered back and opened the door...only to come running back seconds later. "You didn't tell me it was ALIVE!" He said! " I gotta call my boss" and with that he left out the door, never to be seen again.
About twenty minutes later, the problem was resolved when the horrid creature expired on his own (probably that McDonalds food) and the manliest one of us (Mimi)
took a shovel and sadly delivered the rat to his final resting...our dumpster.
Enter Mimi, sweet, petite, beautiful Mimi, who, after the situation was explained insisted on seeing the beast herself. I bravely offered to share half my desk upon her return and watched her disappear into the back room. Seconds later I heard her sweet, accented voice, now in soothing little girl tones, "Awww, poor baby, you don't feel well, do you?" Through the crack in the door we were all repelled by the sight of Mimi hand FEEDING this horrible monster ham from her Egg McMuffin!! Fortunately, at this point the pest control guy walked in, smirked at us all standing on our desks and asked where the "varmint" was. We all pointed to the door and he, just as I had moments before, swaggered back and opened the door...only to come running back seconds later. "You didn't tell me it was ALIVE!" He said! " I gotta call my boss" and with that he left out the door, never to be seen again.
About twenty minutes later, the problem was resolved when the horrid creature expired on his own (probably that McDonalds food) and the manliest one of us (Mimi)
took a shovel and sadly delivered the rat to his final resting...our dumpster.
