Monday, November 27, 2006

High Security

I work in a very high security skyscraper office building in a major city. This building is locked up tight 24/7...except for the loading dock, where the fattest, laziest, most sorry excuse for a Security Guard worked. Each day, he would push the security desk in a blind corner UNDER a camera, where he couldn't be seen or taped, and immediately fall fast asleep. One day he woke up and found himself having to explain why both his gun AND his desk had gone...both stolen while he was snoring away.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Fire Down Below

I used to be a cook. I was making hot wing sauce. While boiling the sauce base on the stove I was chopping habenero peppers in a food processer. After they were chopped up I would take my hand and scoop it out into the sauce base. I did this process three or four times. While every thing was blended and simmering I decided that I needed to use the bathroom. I normally wash up afterwards but this time I should have before. I did my thing and walked out of the bathroom. About halfway across the dining room I started to burn incredibly "down there". I got to the kitchen thinking "Man, What the hell have I picked up?". Then I saw the sauce on the stove and knew what had happened. The pain went on for about 30 minutes even though I was outside while holding a ziplock bag full of ice on my "stuff".

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Boss In The Closet

I worked for one guy who was temperamental to the point of insanity. He had a hair trigger temper over the silliest things. Vengeful over nothing-we all had to walk on eggs.The worst part was he was married but having an affair with another (and higher up) married male. They would meet at noon at a nearby park! If Mr. Prissy whined, the higher up would make by bosses boss change the situation! We were all happy for him when he finally came out of the closet years later!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Changing Room

I work in retail and some of the things we see are unbelievable! Most recently we found a sex toy in one of the ladies fitting rooms. We once found a digital camera with pictures of girls trying on bras and in various stages of undress. Very awkward when she showed up with her dad to claim the camera. Lots of dirty diapers and feminine supplies (yes, unfortunately). Recently had a man trying on a bra. Since it was close to Halloween we kind of wrote it off, until he asked for matching panties.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Going Straight To The Top...And Getting Stuck There!

This summer, I worked at an amusement park. There's a policy where if a worker is caught riding any of the rides in uniform, they're automatically fired. The park is usually empty in the hour or so before closing, so it's easy to get away with a lot of stuff.
I worked on this water/roller coaster type ride. Every night at closing, maintenance would come and turn off my ride, because it ran automatically throughout the day.
Anyhow, these two guys who worked on my ride decided to go on it in uniform just before closing, for jollies. Everything was going smoothly, until they came to the top of the second drop. Then, the ride suddenly stopped. It turns out, maintenance had come a few minutes early that night to turn off the ride.
And they were stuck...on the top of the biggest drop - in uniform, for all to see.
Needless to say, they were fired - after being rescued via cherrypicker, and enduring major embarassment in the process.

Monday, October 16, 2006


I got on the elevator and 3 people were bent over like they were looking for something so i started looking too. I just kept looking to find something laying on the floor to be nice and help out. The elevator door opened and they walked off still bent over and i felt so bad.I work in a medical clinic and watch what i do more carefully now

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Not Such A Bad Boss

The weirdest guy I ever worked for turned out to be one of the nicest. If you wanted a new pen, he wanted the old one in exchange, to prove it didn't work.
Phone messages that were taken and crossed out had to be provided to show that they were "voided." This was done in a marked, sealed envelope.
The thing is, I had a big family passage and this same employer flew my family several thousand miles and paid for accommodations so they could be there. The employer was nuts, but it clearly cut both ways.

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